


Durin's Deathless Circus of Wonders

by Luckyhai5



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Madness, Scones, circus AU, what is this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 09:36:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luckyhai5/pseuds/Luckyhai5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Company are a group of dwarrows who travel Middle Earth, performing in Durin's Deathless Circus of Wonders. Bilbo Baggins is a quiet hobbit with no remarkable talent. Gandalf is a bloody troublemaker, and the rest is history.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Irrelevant Scones and Coercion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this is a new idea I've had so I'm testing it out, updates could be a little slow but I'm looking forward to writing it! I would massively appreciate any comments you may have, since this is the most different AU I've ever dared to write. Thanks for reading and, without further ado...  
> Welcome to Durin's Deathless Circus of Wonders!

Signs had gone up all around the Shire, posted in shop windows and pasted to fences overnight, as though by magic. It had caused quite a stir amongst the hobbits.

The Circus was coming - and not just any Circus!

Durin's Deathless Circus of Wonders, so named because the Circus was passed down through the family and so would never cease.

It was utterly scandalous, shocking and not in any way proper.

Thus it was guaranteed that every hobbit able would be in attendance, if only so they could tut and bemoan the event.

All except one Bilbo Baggins of Bag End, who had no time for such nonsense, none whatsoever.

He had been sat in his garden, smoking his pipe serenely and enjoying a quiet, sunny morning, when a tall, grey wizard decided to inconvenience him.

Gandalf: he'd always known he was a bloody troublemaker, the moment he'd seen those dratted fireworks, and Bilbo really should have known better, but then again, here he was.

Bilbo Baggins of Bag End was currently stood before a collection of striped tents and cages.

The banner above him read: 'Durin's Deathless Circus of Wonders.'

At least he knew he was in the right place.

He'd been invited to dinner - of all the things for that confounded wizard to do, relaying a dinner invitation was decidedly the worst. There was no way Bilbo could possibly say no; he'd had to grit his teeth and acquiesce. Now he stood, remarkably tiny before these large tents, an offering of scones grasped in his arms.

Unexpectedly, a dwarf barreled into him from the side, almost causing him to drop the tub of scones, causing Bilbo to cry out in sheer terror.

"Oops, my apologies." The dwarf, who Bilbo observed was quite young, grinned, "You must be Master Boggins. Allow me to introduce myself, Kili at your service."

As abruptly as the other, another dwarf appeared, fair haired unlike Kili, who had dark hair, yet Bilbo saw similarity between them. They must be brothers.

"Ah, and allow me to introduce Fili." The dark-haired one continued, grinning, as they both bobbed at Bilbo, chanting in unison:

"At your service."

Bilbo smiled, somewhat bemused, and bobbed back. He didn't even have the presence of mind to correct his name.

"Now come along, Master Boggins -" The blonde one began.

"-we don't have all night." The dark one finished, as they turned to lead him off without ceremony.

Bilbo followed behind, scones rattling and feet moving altogether too quickly for his liking.

He was led to a large, red-striped tent, and in through a flap.

Inside, quite a sight awaited him.

A collection of motley individuals were sat around, eating, laughing and rowdily conversing. On the fringe of the excitement were elves, he noted with shock, the rest of the group being comprised of dwarrows.

This must be the Company. Despite himself, Bilbo felt a rush of excitement. They were quite famous, after all, and mysterious - yet here they all were! And they were not a mote as Bilbo would have expected. Hesitantly, he turned to Fili and Kili, who now flanked him, and asked, "Where should I put the scones?"

They laughed, Fili answering. "Not anywhere near Bombur, if you know what's good for you!"

This was followed by a loud "Oy!" From one of the dwarrows, as the two dragged Bilbo over to the table and placed him between them. They dug into the feast with reckless abandon and Bilbo, being a hobbit, rather followed suit. From across the long table, a female dwarf addressed him.

"You must be Master Baggins!" She exclaimed, reaching out for a scone which he unthinkingly passed to her, "A pleasure. I am Grununni, and this here's my husband Gloin." Beside her, another dwarf, stout and red-headed, grunted, finishing off what may once have been a piece of meat.  
"It's lovely to meet you." Bilbo replied, his politeness kicking in.

"Aye, and this here's my brother Oin and son Gimli." The male dwarf, Gloin, informed him, gesturing to the two sat beside him, one an older, grey-haired dwarf and the other a young, red-headed dwarf lad.

Bilbo waved, as Gloin shouted, "Gimli! Oin! This here's Master Baggins, the one Gandalf sent."

"What?" The older dwarf shouted back.

"Baggins!" Gloin bellowed, pointing at Bilbo.

Grununni leant across the table to tell Bilbo, "Oin's a little deaf, as it happens."

Bilbo, unsure how to reply, simply nodded, before being entreated at from his right side by an overexcited looking Fili.

"Master Baggins! Master Baggins!" He cried, "Allow me to introduce you to Bofur."

A twinkly-eyed, hatted dwarf greeted him from beside Fili, and Bilbo smiled.

"How do you do?" He asked.

This elicited a chuckle from the dwarf, who responded with, "Just fine thank you, yourself?"

Bilbo distinctly felt he was being mocked, but simply replied with a cordial, "Fine."

Any awkwardness that would've ensued was saved by the arrival of Gandalf, who swept in and pulled up a chair. Bilbo was surprised when he was offered a chamomile tea by one of the dwarrows; more so when the offer was accepted.

For a while, they simply ate and got to know one another, Bilbo wondering why on Arda he was there at all. None the less, he met some very interesting individuals - besides from Grununni, Gloin, Oin, Gimli, Fili, Kili and Bofur there was Bifur, Dwalin, Ori, Nori, Dori (the dwarf with the tea, who Bilbo decided he should remember for future reference), Balin and Bombur.

Without warning, the atmosphere changed.

All eyes were focused on something behind Bilbo, as he turned to see what had happened.

His eyes fell on a dwarf.

He was stood in the doorway of the tent, his silhouette dark and imposing, almost regal, dark hair falling around his shoulders in braids, blue eyes surveying the room and finally coming to rest upon Bilbo.

For a moment, Bilbo was transfixed, held in their steady glower.

Gandalf cleared his throat, the tension dissipating momentarily.

"Thorin, so glad you could make it." The wizard spoke.

"So this is the halfling." The dwarf - Thorin? - spat, causing Bilbo to shiver slightly.

"Indeed." The wizard responded, tone measured. "This is Bilbo Baggins."

"He looks more like a grocer than a burglar!" Proclaimed the new dwarf; his statement rankled Bilbo. More like a grocer than a burglar - what did that even mean? He had never claimed to be either!

"Trust me." Gandalf said, his tone still measured, careful.

There was a long moment of silence before the dwarf answered, and Bilbo found it left him no more relieved than before he'd spoken.

"Fine. We will do this your way. What's one more stray?"

Without another glance to Bilbo, the dwarf had settled himself at the other end of the table, and that had been that.

*

Bilbo had signed the contract.

He felt rather coerced into doing so, but that was it and there was no going back.

There had been talk of sad childhoods and stolen rights and it had all been too much, so he had signed and been appointed the Circus Burglar.

That was when one of the dwarrows, Nori, had approached him.

"So, Master Baggins, your act will be illusion, and you will train under me. Get a good night's sleep."

Bilbo balked. When had having an act ever been part of the plan - but the dwarrows were gone, off to their respective tents, and he was being dragged off by a still rambunctious Fili and Kili, too shell-shocked to really say anything anyway.


	2. Illusionist... Hobbit?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo finds out a bit more about the Circus and starts working on his act (to his chagrin)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ^_^ feedback is very much appreciated, updates will be sporadic

 Bilbo had slept in the same tent as Fili and Kili that night; ergo, he had a terrible night's sleep. The two were insufferable! It was 'Mister Baggins this' and 'Mister Baggins that' all night - they just had so much energy. Eventually, he had negotiated that they should both call him Bilbo and let him sleep; the first they had done happily, the latter less so. Now he was sat in a shadowy corner of the Circus, smoking his pipe-weed and hoping very dearly that the two would not find him. One of the elves, Tauriel, walked by, not seeing him. She stopped on the grass, and Bilbo thought she was going to practice her act.

He watched as she bent her body, coiling and stretching in the most impossible ways.

She must be a contortionist; and she was good.

He was totally amazed by her strength, and caught between worry for her health and pure, unadulterated awe.

Unthinkingly, when she straightened up at the end, he clapped, stepping up.

She shrieked, jumping in the air.

"Master Baggins!"

"Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." He apologised. "I just got so caught up watching your act. You're fantastic!"

"Thank you." She smiled, "People can't usually sneak up on me, you know."

Bilbo wasn't sure how to respond to that, so he just smiled, as more elves made their way around the corner.

These two seemed like father and son, one dragging the other by the arm as he chastised him.

"What have I told you about playing with the snakes-" He was hissing, before he saw Bilbo, donning an instant smile like a mask.

"Ah, Master Baggins. It's good to finally meet you. I am Thranduil, and this is my son," death glare, the son was definitely in trouble, "Legolas."

"Hello Master Baggins." Legolas smiled.

"If you'll excuse us." Thranduil cooed, yanking his son's arm and continuing to tell him off as they hurried away.

Tauriel rolled her eyes. "Those two." She muttered, shaking her head.

"What was that about snakes?" Bilbo asked her, slightly alarmed.

"Oh, Thranduil's the snake charmer." She replied, eyes sparkling, "And Legolas is always trying to mess about with the snakes."

"Doesn't he have an act, like you?" Bilbo asked, a little confused. "You two seem around the same age."

She nodded. "Yes, I'm a little older I think, but he doesn't have an act. Nor does Gimli - they just run errands and make trouble." She was smiling. "Troublemaking used to be Fili and Kili's job, you know, but they've had to refocus on their act. They can still be replied upon for a spot of mischief here and there though. Anyway, I have to earn my keep here. I'm a runaway." She said it as though it were no big thing, but Bilbo's eyes widened. A runaway! How utterly unheard of! Lobelia would have a field day...

"A runaway!" He gasped, before he knew what he was saying. "Oh, sorry!" He apologised straight away, hoping to not have offended her.

Her laugh was like the peal of a bell. "Not at all." She said, "I'm a runaway, you're a stray, and they're family." Her voice was slightly wistful when she said  _family_. "So you see, Master Baggins, each of us will have to earn our keep and they will simply run about making mischeif."

It was then that, as though to illustrate her point, Nori came around the corner.

"Master Baggins!" He barked, "You're late for your instruction. Come along, we must work on your act!"

Thus, Bilbo was dragged away to a small, blue-striped tent on the other side of the field. 

Upon entry, he gulped and considered how far he could run away, and how quickly.

The tent was full of manacles, cages, ropes, chains, locks and leather.

Sweet Yavanna, what had he let himself in for?

Nori smirked at his horrified expression.

"This is my tent." He began to explain, "I am an escape artist, but will be teaching you in another skill. Illusion." He produced a pair of white gloves seemingly from nowhere, with a top-hat. "Put these on, Master Baggins, and let us begin."

*

A while later, it had been thoroughly established that Bilbo possessed no talents of showmanship. While he could muster the skill for small illusions, like pulling coins from Nori's ears or making things disappear, he couldn't for the life of him pull rabbits out of hats or bring himself to look at the box with the saws. When they were done, Nori addressed him. "Well, Bilbo, that wasn't bad for a start," his voice said otherwise, "So we'll continue with this tomorrow. I think you're staying in Fili and Kili's tent for now, so you can go back there and I'm sure they'll collect you for dinner." He paused, a wicked twinkle in his eye. "Of course, you're welcome to borrow any of my equipment at any time."

Bilbo blushed a deep shade of red, stammering his thanks and all but flying out of the tent, so quickly that he collided with a rock-like dwarf.

Stepping back, he looked to see who he had walked into, his heart sinking.

"Watch your step, Halfling." Growled Thorin Oakenshield, as he glowered at Bilbo, who mumbled an apology.

"There's no space at this Circus for Halflings with their heads in the clouds." His words were entirely cold as he swept away, leaving Bilbo feeling quite dejected.

Another dwarf, Balin, approached him. "Don't worry laddie." He said, his voice kind, "Thorin's just very careful with strangers."

Bilbo smiled at him weakly. "And why should that be?"

"This Circus has seen better days. His father, Thráin, you see, grew very proud and his riches from the Circus caused him to become power-hungry, greedy. He squandered his earnings, eventually gambling away the most treasured item of the Circus."

Bilbo was intrigued. "What was that?"

Balin sighed. "It was called the Arkenstone. Oh, Master Baggins, it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw - we used it to make light tricks, more splendid than the sun itself, but Thráin was tricked into gambling it away at impossible odds by a stranger, a stranger who turned out to be more than he seemed."

"Who was that?" Bilbo asked.

"Smaug. You may have heard of him; he runs Smaug's Stupendous Circus Spectacular." Balin spat the words.

Bilbo nodded, mute. They were the most famous Circus on Arda! And Smaug was said to be the most incredible fire-breather ever!

"Aye, so Smaug stole the Arkenstone and this Circus has been trying to get back on its feet ever since."

Bilbo jumped when a gravelly voice came from behind him.

"Discussing Circus business, I see." Thorin said dangerously. Bilbo froze and Balin nodded. "What Balin says is true, Halfling." He said, coming to face Bilbo, his eyes piercing Bilbo's, "And it is why we need a burglar."

Bilbo swallowed. 

This did not bode well, not well at all.

 


End file.
